


Piano To Fortissimo

by violinbythefire



Series: Ray Of Sunshine [3]
Category: Dream Daddy: A Dad Dating Simulator
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Dress Up, Insecurity, M/M, Theft, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-10
Updated: 2017-09-10
Packaged: 2018-12-25 22:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12045288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violinbythefire/pseuds/violinbythefire
Summary: Mat and Ray's plans to roleplay do not go as plan but Mat does learn a few things. He learns a not exactly legal talent Ray has and Ray's name prior to the transition. Mat also learned that Alex may not deserve the pedestal he was put on.





	Piano To Fortissimo

The sky was cascaded in brilliant colors of navy blue, salmon pink and soft violet. The summer heat could only be described as oppressive. Mat could not wait to get into his air conditioned house and figure out what Ray was doing. 

Mat let Pablo leave his shift early so he could pick up Lucien for their date. Pablo had asked him a million questions, all of which made Mat anxious because he thought that he was the last man that should dispense life altering advice. “Be honest and be yourself. And if you do end up liking him, you need to get him home before curfew if you want to see him again,” was the general consensus of Mat’s advice. It would be nice if the two boys found someone that they wanted to be with. Being that awkward age between boy and manhood was difficult. Maybe they would at least get along. 

Before he left the shop, Mat made himself a quick iced coffee for himself and a frappe for Ray. He had been trying to get Ray to drink something other than straight black coffee and found a successful drink for him. Personally, Mat could understand someone downing a shot of whiskey before he could understand drinking regular coffee. He texted Ray to let him know that he was on the way home and texted Carmensita to check in with her sleepover. Ray didn’t text back, but Carmensita did with a string of emojis that Mat could vaguely understand. 

By the time he arrived home, he couldn’t help but noticed that the lights were off in Ray’s house. Curious, he raised his eyebrow before going to unlock his front door. He skillfully maneuvered taking his keys out while holding the two coffee cups. As he turned the key, he realized that the door was unlocked. His heart jumped into his throat as a million scenarios ran through his head, the most important one being that his house had been broken into. 

The door opened cautiously and Mat stepped inside. Music was playing in the house and nothing appeared missing. When he saw Ray’s overnight bag dropped carelessly by the couch, Mat let out a sigh of relief and dropped his keys on the table by the door. It was a break in, but it was just Ray. Mat looked to the door and then back to the bag. How did that happen? How did he get in? 

Mat walked to the bathroom and recognized a reggae and punk playlist that Ray liked to play. Once he got to the door, he was almost taken aback by the smell of hair spray and cheap cologne. Something about the smell of the cologne was almost familiar, but Mat couldn’t quite place it where he smelled it last. And…what was that scent under it all? It was an almost chemical smell. He hummed along to the music and knocked on the bathroom door. “Babe, it’s me. I’m home.”

Before Mat could swoon over how nice it felt to say some version of ‘Honey, I’m home’ again after so long, he heard the noise of something clattering in the bathroom. “Jesus Christ! You scared me half to death, Mat!” Ray yelled out. 

“Says the man that broke into someone else’s house,” Mat commented with a smile as he leaned against the hallway wall. 

“You really need to get a deadbolt, honey. That was almost too easy,” Ray replied with a laugh in his voice. The volume of the music lowered so that the two could better hear each other. After a moment, he continued, his voice serious, “Sorry about that. I needed to get into your place before you got home so I just picked your lock. I meant to lock the door but I guess I was in a rush.”

Even though Ray’s suggestion was in jest, the thought of getting a deadbolt was now in Mat’s head and he knew he wouldn’t feel quite safe in his house until he got one. “I got you a coffee, babe. Do you want it?” Mat offered. 

Before he truly got the question out of his mouth, the door to the bathroom quickly opened. The smell of chemicals hit Mat at once and he couldn’t help but start coughing. Ray’s thin arm came out and his hand gripped around the frappe. Mat thought that he saw that Ray’s fingernails were painted black, but he must have been seeing things. The door quickly shut with a slam. After a quick slurp, Ray finally answered him with a ‘thank you’. 

Mat started to drink his iced coffee, humming with content. It could be a bit sweeter. He mentally put that note in the back of his head for later. “How do you know how to pick locks?” Mat inquired, raising his eyebrows in interest. He never figured that Ray had that secret inside of him. 

Ray chuckled before he told Mat, “I was a naughty child that liked to steal shiny things like I was some sort of crow. I didn’t steal anything meaningful. Just a pretty spoon or a forgotten tin toy. Then when I got older, I used it to sneak into…” He trailed off before he perked up, swinging to a different topic, “But yeah, that’s how I learned. Baby, why don’t you get something to eat? I’m going to be a while. I can’t get my hair right.” Mat immediately heard the clang clang of an aerosol can before it sprayed. 

“Isn’t it dangerous to spray stuff like that with the door closed?” Mat asked, concerned, and also willing to let go the half stories that Ray had been telling him lately. 

“I opened the little window in here. It’s fine,” Ray assured him quickly. Mat could almost visualize Ray waving his hand with his typical lack of concern. 

“You opened that window?” Mat asked in disbelief, “I have had this house for years. I could never get that window to open. I’m pretty sure it was sealed shut.” He had tried to open it one day when he became overly concerned with the air quality in his home. Several broken nails later, he decided that he was unsuccessful. Why would anyone need to open the small window above the bathroom anyway?

“That’s because you were just trying to yank it up, weren’t you?” Ray questioned with a trailing laugh. The word ‘yank’ also seemed to be comprised of more than one syllable. “You got to finesse it a little bit. Like you’re working with a lady.”

Whatever Ray had planned, he was making a big deal out of it. Mat and Rosa had roleplayed a little bit before, but it was mostly dirty talk in the bedroom. Ray was acting like he was about to star in a Broadway production with the amount of preparation that was going into it. Mat felt like he had shown up to what he thought was an intro class and it turned out to be a graduate level course. “Did…um…did you do this a lot with Alex?” Mat asked him, hating the nervous tic in his voice.

“Huh? Oh! Roleplaying. Oh yeah,” Ray said as a metal can was set down on what Mat assumed to be the bathroom sink. “All the time before Amanda was born. Then…well you know…we didn’t have much time. It wasn’t like we could have her stay with grandparents. So we did it maybe once a month or so when she was visiting with a friend or on an overnight school trip. I mean, we were still intimate but roleplaying requires time and props. It was hard to sneak around while doing that. We did a lot of things together. Alex…” He had started to laugh at this point, the fond memories bringing out a light in his voice, “He was just amazing. A really great partner…He knew exactly what to do and what to say…He was so creative, too…”

As Mat stood there, taking in Ray’s praises of a better, albeit dead, man, he could feel his heart beat wildly in his chest. He had nervously begun to play with the cuffs of his jacket. It had taken him so long to think about life with another person besides Rosa and even longer to start playing again. Ray spoke about Alex so freely. It wasn’t that he heartless. He just moved on with a healthy respect for what he had before. Ray freely talked about their time together and was more than willing to discuss the wonderful things about his passed spouse. Alex sounded like a gentleman, a wonderful husband and father. 

Was it possible to feel good jealousy and bad jealousy? Maybe it was okay to feel jealous about Ray handling his spouse’s death better than Mat did, but it wasn’t okay to feel jealous over a dead man.

“Mat? You still there?” 

“Yeah,” Mat answered back and he struggled to find something to say that would make Ray think that he was prepared and totally ready to match what Ray was going to give him. He had started to play with the straw in his cup of iced coffee. The fidgeting did little to distract him. 

The door suddenly creaked open and Ray poked his head out. For a split second, Mat wondered if he had been talking to a stranger this entire time because the person looking at him did not look like Ray. 

Ray had styled and teased his hair into soft spiky hair that was streaked with black lowlights. His eyes were surrounded with black eyeshadow and thick eyeliner. He was holding the door frame with fingers that had black nails. Mat couldn’t see what he was wearing and he was grateful. He didn’t think he could take quite more than what he was seeing.

Mat wasn’t sure what to say. Ray looked like a scene kid. His youthful skin and small body worked in his favor. He looked nice and would probably get more than a few numbers if he was out at a concert. But it wasn’t Ray. Mat didn’t realize that he was frowning until he saw the look in Ray’s eyes turn into hurt. “You hate it.” Ray stated as though he was talking about the weather. It was a fact and he was just observing it.

“What-what? No, I don’t…I don’t hate it,” Mat stuttered, shaking his head. He watched as the door fully opened and he was able to take in what Ray was wearing and what he had done to his bathroom. 

Ray was wearing a fitted mesh T-shirt over a black binder and what looked like impossible for anyone to fit in red skinny jeans. The bathroom sink was covered with makeup containers, an open box of black hair dye, a bottle of cologne, his phone, the empty coffee cup and the can of hairspray. “You don’t hate it…but you’re not into it are you?” Ray accused as his eyes narrowed. Before Mat could respond, Ray threw his hands up in the air with an uncharacteristic frustration. “Fine. It’s fine. I’ll just…” He turned and looked at himself in the mirror over the sink. The harsh laugh that left his lips made Mat tense. “I don’t blame you. I look fucking ridiculous.” His hands went to grip the sides of the bathroom counter. His knuckles turned white while his cheeks flushed a deep red color. 

Mat wondered if you could physically get whiplash from a turn in conversation. His eyes were still on the tight skinny jeans that hugged Ray’s legs like a second skin. Mat wasn’t sure why Ray suddenly looked smaller than usual. Maybe it was because nothing about what he was wearing was truly Ray. The Ray he knew wore loose fitting t shirts or flannel with regular blue jeans. Mat had never seen him in makeup. Maybe it was Ray’s eyes. Accented by the eyeliner, his eyes looked wide and almost alone. 

“It’s just…not what I was expecting,” Mat stated, making sure that he chose his words carefully, “You don’t look like yourself.” 

“That’s the point isn’t it?” Ray challenged him, “I get to pretend to be someone else. You get to pretend you’re having sex with someone else. It’s fun.” Ray sounded like he was trying to convince himself as much as he was trying to convince Mat. That wasn’t Mat’s only problem with what Ray was saying. There was an initial reaction to be hurt. If Ray thought he wanted him to be someone else, did Ray expect Mat to change for this activity? But the way that Ray phrased it quelled those insecurities. ‘You get to pretend you’re having sex with someone else’. 

After setting his iced coffee on the only spare surface on the counter, Mat walked up to him, placing a hand on his shoulder. Ray looked over his shoulder, staring into Mat’s eyes. The lost look in those eyes made Mat yearn to do anything that would make tonight right. Part of him wanted to assure Ray that he looked great and he as ready for whatever he wanted to do. The other part kept hearing his words over and over again. “I don’t want to have sex with someone else. I want to have sex with you…That’s what I thought we were going to do.”

“But…” The sadness in Ray’s voice was slowly being replaced with confusion, “We are. We’re just…” He exhaled before he leaned against the counter. His eyes became downcast and he began to play with the mesh of his shirt much like Mat had did with the cuffs of his jacket earlier. “It sounds juvenile…but I do like being someone else, being someone else…” He let out an unamused laugh, “My father says that when people ask my mother about me, she says ‘Oh well, Raylene’s off playing pretend at being a man’…Anyway, that’s not important.” It sounded important, but Mat was not going to interrupt him. “It’s fun, like acting. Alex liked it because he could get what he wanted.” Ray crossed his arms, closing himself off.

Mat frowned and he walked closer to Ray. He pulled the man into an embrace and at once Ray returned it with a tight hold. The smell of cologne and hair spray filled Mat’s senses and he forced his mouth closed to stifle the cough. Ray let out another weak laugh, “I…I…I did go a bit overboard with this. I just had a lot of ideas and…I was going for a scene look. That’s the word, right? Scene? That’s what Pablo is?” 

“I think so. But I think he does his own thing,” Mat answered as he ended the hug. 

Before Mat could stay anything in a further effort to console his partner, Ray interrupted him, “If it’s okay with you, I’m going to take this make up off, wash this shit out of my hair.” He ran his fingers along the black and heavily styled locks of hair, “And we can have regular sex.” 

Mat knew that he had a chance to investigate more of what happened. He knew it wouldn’t be long before Ray’s emotional vulnerability would disappear. If he let Ray jump in the shower, he would come out with the usual big grin on his face and act like it didn’t happen. He wanted to ask what he meant earlier when he said that Alex got what he wanted. 

“Ray, is there something you aren’t telling me?” Mat asked, hoping that he didn’t sound accusatory. He looked at Ray and saw the sudden nervous look in his eyes. 

“Okay you caught me,” Ray said, plastering on a playful smile. Adding that with the tone of his voice, Mat knew that he was not going to get the answer he wanted. “I might have broken into someone else’s place today.” He indicated what he was wearing and remarked, “I was over at Damien’s earlier today and I picked the lock to Lucien’s room and borrowed this outfit….and his hairspray…and his cologne.”

That’s why the smell was familiar to Mat. He took another look at the outfit, somewhat amused with the knowledge that Ray could fit into a teenager’s wardrobe. But then he realized, almost a beat too slow, what Ray’s original intentions were. “You stole Lucien’s clothes for our…” He struggled to find the right words.

“I wasn’t going to return them…The clothes at least. These were in the back of his fancy armoire. I doubt he even remembers he has them,” Ray shrugged, dismissing his actions in a way that made Mat almost see where he was coming from. 

He wanted to press Ray, but instead, he gave in, letting out an indulgent sigh, “Did you take the make up as well?”

“No way,” Ray groaned with disgust in his voice, “That’s exactly how you get conjunctivitis. I bought this stuff at a drug store.” And with that, he turned to look at the sink so he could swat the make up into the trash can next to the counter. The materials fell into the can with a large crash. The motion was had so much power and speed to it, Mat could tell that it was just Ray letting out his emotions. 

The tension filled silence lasted longer than necessary. Ray was facing away from him and Mat didn’t know what to say or do. He felt as though he was frozen in place. Anything that he could think of wasn’t appropriate. Anxiety and self-doubt left him almost paralyzed. His own frustration formed slowly underneath his fretting. 

Feeling pathetic, Mat offered up, “Ray, you know that you can talk to me, right?” As soon as he said those words, he felt like hitting his head against the closest hard object. 

Despite Mat’s own lack of confidence in what he was saying, he could see the tender smile forming on Ray’s face. That was real and somehow that eased Mat’s worry. “I know...” He turned his head to look over his shoulder. “Is it wrong for me to want you to think the best of me for just a little bit longer?” 

The words were easier to come by this time. “It’s going to take a lot for me to think of you any less than I do now…” Mat assured him. 

“Mmmmm,” Ray let out the non-committal noise before turning his head again. He picked up his phone and turned off the music that had been serving as an ill placed soundtrack for the majority of their conversation. “Be a sweetheart and go get my bag for me. I’m going to get out of these clothes and into some pajamas…” He looked down and ran his fingers along the skinny jeans, “I bet I could just wash these and return them. That won’t be sleazy, right?” He paused and finally stated with finality, “I’ll just buy the kid a new pair. This…” He tugged at his mesh shirt with a sly grin, “I’m keeping.”

Mat put on a smile if only to ease Ray. He had a feeling that he was not going to get any further in this investigation tonight. He didn’t know how to further help him or if he even wanted to be helped. It didn’t stop the nagging feeling in his stomach.

He reached over to pick up his iced coffee and turned to leave Ray. Before he could shut the door behind him, Ray cleared his throat. “Mat?”

He turned to look at Ray and raised his eyebrow in surprise, “Yeah, baby?” 

Ray took a deep breath and whispered, “Alex and I roleplayed…because he said that if I pretended to be other people, he wouldn’t want to have sex with other people.” 

The admission made Mat’s extremities turn limp. He almost dropped his coffee and he stumbled in order to keep it from falling to the floor. He stuttered as he tried to speak. His brain was short circuiting as he tried to say something in response to this news. 

“I promise I’ll tell you everything,” Ray pleaded before giving his condition, “I just can’t do it tonight. Just…You need to know why I…why I freaked out earlier.”

“You…you want me to just…hang out tonight and pretend that I don’t know that about you?” Mat questioned doubtfully. How could Ray ask him to do that? 

“Yes,” Ray snapped impatiently, “I would like a couple of hours pretending that you don’t think I’m a pitiful excuse of a man.” 

“Ray, that’s not what I meant,” Mat fired back, hurt at Ray’s assumption. How could he think that his negative feelings would go towards him? 

Ray’s face fell and he looked down once more, “I…” He swallowed before rubbing the back of his head. He bit his lower left lip and sighed, “I know…You’re not…you’re not a bad person. I just need to find a way to explain everything without speaking ill of Alex. He had his issues, like everyone else. He’s Amanda’s dad. I loved him. At least…” He stopped himself and looked back up to Mat, “I can go home after I shower…” 

“No, I don’t want you to go,” Mat gave in, not sure if what he was doing was the right thing or not, “Just…” He was just having so many conversations today that he was not even beginning to be ready for. “Let’s just hang out tonight.” 

“Okay…” Ray agreed hesitantly. He smiled again, “One more thing, Mat?”

Mat was ready this time. He tried to mentally guard himself for whatever bombshell Ray was going to drop next, “Yes?”

“Thank you…for being you and being wonderful and I love you,” Ray praised with a shy smile on his face before leaning over to kiss Mat. Mat blushed as he returned the kiss, thrown off by the roller coaster that Ray was putting him on. Ray slid his arm around Mat and placed his hand on the small of Mat’s back. 

Tonight was not going as planned, but nothing with Ray ever went as planned.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading. Check out my tumblr 'evillittlebirdie'. Hit me up anytime to chat or prompt me. I hope that you liked reading this.


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